IN BRUGES

May 24th, 2009

This week’s movie:

IN BRUGES

I’ve been told that I need to use more metaphor.

I don’t know why.  Should I take this to mean that my discussions have, in the past, been perhaps too literal?  I don’t think that’s true but, then again, it’s hard for me to be objective.  So, I thought I’d try an experiment.  I will offer three separate discussions of this week’s video recommendation, IN BRUGES.  The first one will be perfectly literal - or as perfectly literal as I can manage.  In the second review, I will give my “normal” observations on the film.  You can then judge how similar the first and second are.  If they are indistinct, then I am being too literal and need to to use more metaphors.  In the third version, I will offer an intentionally metaphorical discussion.  It will be symbolic and make you think and it may have separate meanings depending on how you read into it or, if you read aloud, the inflection of your own voice, or the time of day, or what the meaning of “is” is.

So here goes.

The Literal Version.

This week’s movie, IN BRUGES (wherever that is) played in theaters and is now available on DVD, although not yet on Blu-ray (as of this writing - but probably by now since it won a Golden Globe Award).  It is 107 minutes long.  It stars Colin Farrell, Brendan Gleeson, and Ralph Fiennes - who all give very fine performances …..sorry, I digress.  Um ……………….it’s in color.  It’s about hit men who are hiding out in Bruges (wherever that is) after a job goes down wrong, and what they do while they’re there, and what the gang boss decides to do about them……… Locations include Bruges (wherever that is) and a little bit of somewhere in England.  Props include guns, tour books, um………….clothes, and um ……..a dwarf, and um………. I’m sorry, but everything else seems to be subject to interpretation.  Oh wait - as of this writing, IN BRUGES has made the IMDB Top 250 at #203, between The Conversation and Anatomy of a Murder, and won a best actor Golden Globe award for Colin Farrell.  That’s it.

I

The FranksFilms version.

This movie shouldn’t be funny, but it is.  It’s about hit men who do horrendous things for a living.  In fact, they’re hiding out because one of them, Colin Farrell’s character, has mistakingly killed an innocent bystander and the climate is about to get very hot.  They’re banished by their boss to hide out in Bruges. “Where the f#@k is Bruges?”, he asks.  (Admit it!  You were thinking that too.)  It shouldn’t be funny - but it is.  Very much so.

We shouldn’t like these guys, after all they’re killers - but we do.  So, why DO we like them?  Why is it easy to disassociate them from what they do?  The answer is - because they’re funny, they make us laugh.  How is this possible, you ask.  We do it all the time.  The truth is that we all use humor to relieve stress.  In fact, that is its main purpose.  You can take the most horrendous situation and inject a little humor, and suddenly it’s funny.  We tend not to dwell on the terrible, and instead, focus on the light and humorous.

I think I first encountered this phenomenon in James Bond films.  Bond would be dancing will a beautiful woman when he’d see an assassin reflected in her eyes.  He’d swing her around so that she’d take the bullet - and we’d all gasp.  But when he’d dump her lifeless body on a chair and remark to an onlooker, “She’s dead tired.”  we’d all laugh.  See, he made a joke.

Consider the following scenario.  Two men walk into a theater an make a gruesome discovery - everybody is dead.  Not just dead, but hacked up and blown apart and strewn all over the place.  Blood and guts and pieces cover every surface.  Men, women, and children, and pets - yes pets too - have been killed in terrible ways.  The scene is terrible beyond comprehension.  The carnage - Oh, the carnage!  But, let’s suppose that one of the men accidentally slips on some wayward entrails and falls on his butt.  Dang! he says, I just had these pants dry cleaned.  I would be willing to bet that 999 out of 1000 people would laugh (you would too - admit it).  Don’t think badly of yourself if you laugh - you can’t help it - it’s human nature.

Hence the hit men in this film are funny.

Colin Farrel’s character is especially complex.  He has done something terrible and he feels guilty and ashamed.  On the other hand, he’e a wisecracking wise guy (that’s doubly wise) that can’t help getting into trouble - which is NOT the kind of thing you want when you’re trying to lay low.  He’s impatient and can’t appreciate the abundant beauty the city has to offer.  He does, however, appreciate the abundant ‘beauties’ the city has to offer.  Again, just the kind of thing you don’t do when you’re trying to lay low.

The film is a well crafted balance between serious drama, wisecracking wisecracks, real friendship between the two men ( the young rookie and the seasoned pro), a burgeoning romance, and just a touch of absurdity.  Absurdity, however, cranks into overdrive in the final reel when mob boss, Ralph Fiennes, finally shows up to give his most over-the-top and perhaps his funniest performance.  This film is sure to please as it has all of the prerequisite elements: hitmen, tour books, mobsters, pretty girls, guns, bullets,  drugs, and dwarves - and, of course, there’s Bruges itself - wherever the f#@k that is.

I realize that all this talk about Bruges will probably make all of you want to vacation there - so, as a public service, I give you these TEN TOP THINGS TO DO IN BRUGES WHILE YOU’RE HIDING FROM THE LAW:

  1. Study some of the Gothic architecture.
  2. Study some Gothic Goths hanging out in front of aforesaid architecture.
  3. Boat tour along the canals.
  4. Bet on the boat races along the canals.  if you’re a true criminal, you’d rig the races …..along the canals  …….amid the aforesaid architecture.
  5. Tour the historic windmills.
  6. Drink the historic ale in the Gothic beer pubs.
  7. (From “Great Railtours of Europe”) “….take Hoogstraat to Langestraat and keep going to Kruisport.”  I don’t even know HOW to joke about this.
  8. Visit Flanders Fields.
  9. Bury a couple bodies in Flanders Fields.
  10. Get a feel for some local color.  The aforesaid Gothic architecture is gray; the previously mentioned canal water is …….er, gray; the railroad trains are ….er, gray;  the aforesaid historic beer pubs are gray; the Gothic Goths wear gray; the sky is gray; the dead bodies buried in Flanders Fields are gray (after a while); the lederhosen are gray.  Maybe seeing some red bloodshed wouldn’t be so bad after all.

You don’t have to go to Bruges to watch IN BRUGES.

Enjoy.

…..and finally,

The Metaphor version

The crow caws!

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Posted in action, dramady, romance | No Comments »

WATCHMEN

March 19th, 2009

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This week’s movie:
WATCHMEN

I’m breaking my own rule - twice.

Firstly, since this is a ‘video recommendation’ site, I shouldn’t recommending a movie that’s not yet been released on video ………..but I am. If it helps, you can think of it as a video that you have to go over to your “friend’s house” to watch. You know that friend who’s house is that big building in the center of town, with the big marquee,  and he always has lots of your neighbors over, and treats you with enormous buckets of popcorn and soda ……except that you have to pay him.

Secondly, I usually try to stay away from recommending the highly publicized big budget films - but I occassionally make an exception. I figure that, by now you’ve all heard about WATCHMEN, and if you’ve not read the novel, are trying to decide what the hell this is all about. The question you need to answer is “Will I like this movie?”  The answer is, although it helps, you don’t necessarily have to be a comic book geek like me.  But if you are, and are a fan of the novel, well it’s, as my friend Amanda puts it, “…an all out nerd-gasm in awesome town.”

The novel was written and the story takes place in 1985.  The material was considered very ’subversive for the time, ……mostly because it dealt with the cold war and nuclear war politics and stuff.  Some critics of the film (idiot bastards!) claim that times have changed and the material is not as subversive today and has lost some of it’s edge.  These people just don’t understand what the story is about.  The movie is called WATCHMEN for goodness sake, not COLD WAR.

The reason why this film is subversive, why it’s unlike any other super hero movie, can be summed up in one sentence:  Batman will never, ever kill The Joker!

Batman will never kill The Joker, not in 60 years of the comic books, not in the next million years.  He won’t, even though not doing so will lead to the death of many many innocent people, and also to several of the main characters.  Why can’t he do it?  It’s the code - the damn superhero code!  Batman is the hero.  He’s the good guy.  He can’t behave like the bad guys or he loses his identity.  Batman may operate outside the law, but he does obey it, and so he won’t kill The Joker, Spiderman won’t kill Venom, and Superman won’t kill Lex Luthor - even when he knows he’ll always come back and cause great destruction and cost many lives.  They’re heroes and refrain from going down that dark path where killing your enemies gets easier and easier, and soon your enemies are anyone that riles you just a little.

However, real heroes aren’t like that.  Real heroes are imperfect.   Real heroes also take the responsibility of making the hard decisions.   Imagine real people putting on costumes to fight crime (they’re called ‘policemen’) - some with morals, and some without.  Imagine a Batman who decides that it’s his responsibility to make sure the Joker never kills again.  It would be so easy to do it ….if you decided that ridding the world of a dangerous menace was worth a run-in with the law.  Now, imagine Superman, a guy with actual super powers - he’s all-powerful and indestructible.  How is it possible for him to actually relate empathically to humans.  It’s not that hard to imagine that after a while he becomes detached to the point that he no longer cares for humanity (humans, animals, insects - they’re all the same to Him) - or worse, that He should rule the Earth and woe to anyone who defies Him.  If you can imagine all this, then you might be prepared for WATCHMEN.

One of the best sequences occurs near the beginning of the film which shows a montage of historical images.  Most of these images are recognizable because they have become iconic, but all are slightly different because of the existence of costumed superheroes.  This lets the viewer “get up to speed” on the history of superheroes in America.  Oh, and by the way, they’re not really super.  They all, except one, don’t have powers - they’re just ordinary Joe’s ,dressed up in a costumes, that know how to fight and sometimes carry a gun (You know ………like policemen.).

A couple of facts.  Most people consider a graphic novel just an over-sized comic book.  Nevertheless,  the graphic novel on which this movie is based, appears on Time Magazine’s list of the 100 best books of all time.  Similarly, it is the only graphic novel to appear in the BBC’s “Big Read”, an equivalent list of 100 all time best books.  As of this writing, WATCHMEN appears at #239 in the IMDB top 250 and climbing.

So, my recommendation:  SEE IT!  ….but before you rush out to the theater, heed the following warnings!

  1. Not for the squeamish!  ….or the Amish!
  2. It’s a visually breath-taking film.  Take extra oxygen when you go to the theater.  Concession stand oxygen is highway robbery!
  3. It’s big, it’s blue.  If it bothers you ……hahahahahahaha……that rhymes.
  4. If you have a chance to see it in IMAX, spend the extra few dollars.  It’ll be well worth it.  It’s bigger in IMAX.
  5. It’s very very violent.  Then again, so are Saturday morning cartoons.
  6. There are no pirates!   …………ARRRRRRGGGGG!
  7. The movie is long, almost three hours.  Who’s going to feed your cat while you’re out?
  8. There’s nudity.  Yeah ………super hero nudity is the BEST nudity.
  9. Why are there no pirates???!!!!
  10. The original graphic novel did NOT carry the Comics Book Code approval.  My God!!  what manner of gruesome depravity are we talking about here?

I just found out that the pirates are getting their own short film, to be released soon on DVD, called Tales of the Black Freighter …………..and you thought I was kidding about the pirates.

Who watches the Watchmen?  It should be you.

Enjoy.

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Posted in action, comic book, drama | 2 Comments »

BEST OF 2008

February 8th, 2009

****** BEST OF 2008 ******

I know this is coming a bit late. It’s February, for goodness sake. But late is better than never, I always say - or, at least, I always say since this morning. I realize that by now you’ve put 2008 well behind you and possibly don’t want to be reminded of it - but for myself, I just can’t seem to get back into the rhythm of regular posts until I get this one out. Perhaps you can just consider this to be a whole bunch of film recommendations all in one go.

So you might ask, “Frank, you haven’t been publishing much lately. Haven’t you been watching any movies?” The fact is that I have been watching movies (205 last year - and I’m on track for even more this year), I just haven’t been moved recently to write anything about them. It’s hard! It’s hard to come up with interesting takes on films that you like. There’s only so many times you can say that a movie is “fresh” or “unusual” or “unlike any film you’re likely to see this year” or “exactly what a movie should be”, without getting a little repetitive. I have to give the guys who do this for a living a lot of credit. I’m considering making up a new vocabulary (e.g. an awesome and terrific = awesific). Let’s give it a go, shall we?

FIRST: the disclaimers

  • These are not necessarily films that were released in 2008. They are the movies that I watched (usually for the first time) in 2008. Hey! I’ve got a day job and can’t see all the films at the cinema. Besides, my local cinema doesn’t show the very best films - only the most promoted ones.
  • This is also why my best of 2008 list doesn’t look like the OSCAR Award or the BAFTA Award nominations. As of this writing, I haven’t yet seen any of those films.
  • My idea of the best movies may not be the same as yours - in fact, I guarantee it. However, this is my site, not yours. So if you’re wondering why Beerfest is not on this list - that’s why.
  • For the most part, I’m avoiding the wide release movies. Everybody already knows about these. So, if you loved say, Iron Man, and wonder why it’s not on my list – that’s why ……………….even though the movie was TOTALLY awesific!
  • I have listed the films in order, although, in truth, they’re all equally good.
  • That’s it!

SECOND: the films

  1. THE DARK KNIGHT: (English) I know it’s a big budget film, but it was simply the most verawesrific (very-awsesome-&-terrific) film of the year, and not simply because of Heath Ledger’s performance (which was incredumous to say the least) but because of the screenplay and the direction. I admit that I’m a big fan of Christopher Nolan - ever since Memento.  Batman is always best when he’s played dark as opposed to campy.  I liked all the little moral dilemmas posed throughout the film in which either decision is the wrong one.  If you haven’t seen it yet, it is available on DVD.  Don’t let the fact that it’s based on a comic book convince you that it’s strictly for kids - it’s not.  As of this writing, IMDB top 250: #4,  tomatometer: 94%.
  2. NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN: (English) Our hero, the poor schmuck, stumbles upon a drug deal gone bad.  Of course he doesn’t know that for certain, but the fact that everyone is dead and that the drugs and the money are still there is strong evidence.  He takes the money.  The mob boss hires a tracker to find whoever took his money and get it back, hence setting up the conflict of the story.  There is no doubt that the tracker will eventually catch up with him.  He is relentless.  He is ruthless.  He is unstoppable as the tide.  He is perhaps the most unforgettable character in the Coen Brothers portfolio.  As of this writing, IMDB top 250: #97, and tomatometer: 94%.
  3. IN BRUGES: (English) One of the all-time great buddy films.  A young hit man botches a job and he and his partner are sent off to Bruges to hide out until the heat cools down.  This dark comedy makes you care about these guys, and even though they’re killers by trade, you really hope that things work out for them.  Rife with profanity - almost to the point of absurdity.  This film didn’t play in wide release so you’re not likely to have heard of it - but it is available on DVD.  As of this writing, IMDB top 250: #209, and tomatometer: 81%.
  4. JUNO: (English) You probably have heard of this film.  A young teenage girl finds herself pregnant and spends the ensuing months trying to find a good couple to adopt her baby.  It’s witty and funny and smart, in other words, it’s smartiphilic.  …..and I’m pretty sure it inspired a number of pregnancy pacts at high schools around the US.  The moral: don’t get pregnant, watch JUNO instead.  Scores a 100% on the tomatometer.
  5. ATONEMENT: (English) Beautifully filmed adaptation of the novel by Ian McEwan.  Keira Knightley’s little sister, in a jealous fit, initates a sequence of events that affects three lives over the course of the story.  Will she ever find atonement for what happened?  Boasts one of the most difficult and breathtaking sequences ever filmed all in one long unbroken shot.

THIRD: the extras

TIED FOR 6th PLACE: (no particular order)
THERE WILL BE BLOOD: (English) A virtuoso performance by Daniel Day-Lewis as a crazed and ruthless prospecter in the early pioneering days of the oil industry.   The film does a good job of capturing the greed, danger and excitement of oil drilling.  A war of will between Lewis and a local preacher dominates the arc of the story.  As of this writing, IMDB top 250: #114, and tomatoemeter: 94%.

THE DIVING BELL AND THE BUTTERFLY: (French) The inspiring true story of Elle editor Jean-Dominique Bauby who suffers a stroke and has to live with an almost totally paralyzed body.  He can only blink one eye, yet he was able, with the help of his nurse, to write his memoirs, on which the film is based.  I find it a tributr to the human spirit that though almost entirely paralyzed, he was still able to use his one good eye to look down the front of his nurses blouse.  As of this writing, IMDB top 250: #202, and tomatometer: 94%.

FUNNIEST MOVIE OF THE YEAR:
WALK HARD: THE DEWY COX STORY: (English) Chronicles the life and career of a Johnny Cash / Ray Charles / Brian Wilson / BobDylan - type character.  Could also have listed it as a musical, but it definitely belongs here.

Runner up: TROPIC THUNDER: Funniest ensemble cast, and filled with irreverent humor.  The cast of a war movie, filming on location, find themselves in a real war but don’t quite realize it.

FAMILY MOVIE OF THE YEAR
WALL-E: It’s really hard to beat Pixar, but these days nobody does it better. Much darker than most past films, the first 40 min or so is completely without dialog.  IMDb top 250: #35, and tomatometer: 97%.

Runner up: MR. MAGORIUM’S WONDER EMPORIUM: Dustin Hoffman, Natalie Portman, and a magic toy shop.  Not everybody liked, but I did.  It conveys wonder and imagination and an atmosphere reminiscent of the much malligned TOYS. 

DARK MOVIE OF THE YEAR
BEFORE THE DEVIL KNOWS YOU’RE DEAD: (English) Two brother, each in need of money plan a robbery of a jewelry store.  It doesn’t go well.

Runner up: TEETH: (English) A teenage girl discovers that she has sharp pointy teeth in an orifice other than her mouth, to the dismay of several boys and her gynecologist.

SCI-FI/FANTASY MOVIE OF THE YEAR
SUNSHINE: (English) A team of scientists travel to try to reignite a dying sun.  Sounds like a bad sequel to The Core, but was directed by Danny Boyle (of this year’s Slumdog Millionaire) and deserves a watch.  Totally unbelievable, but that’s hardly the point, is it? 

Runner up: CLOVERFIELD: (English) A big ol’ monster attacks New York.  The interesting bit here is that the entire film is what is seen by a witness holding a hand-held camcorder, while he and his friends try to survive.

STRANGEST DAMN MOVIE OF THE YEAR
BLACK SHEEP: (English) Something has happened to turn the sheep population of New Zealand into murderous predators. Played for laughs, but still………

Runner up: FIDO: (English) The world had been threatened by brain-eating zombies, but humanity triumphed in the end.  Now, what to do with the surviving zombies.  Put them to work, of course!  Hilarity ensues.

Honorable mention: ZOMBIE STRIPPERS: (English) The name pretty much says it all.  Not for the squeamish.  …..but funny as hell.

QUIRKY MOVIE OF THE YEAR;
WRISTCUTTERS: A LOVE STORY: (English) Strange, funny, and allegorical film about a group of suicides, trying to navigate the afterlife..

Runner up: LARS AND THE REAL GIRL: (English) Feel good story of a troubled man doing what’s necessary to deal with life, and a town willing to do what’s necessary to help.  Then, of course, there’s Bianca.

DOCUMENTARY OF THE YEAR
THE KING OF KONG: A FISTFUL OF QUARTERS: (English) The unbelievable and vastly entertaining story about the world of championship competitive Donkey Kong.  - yeah, you heard me!

Runner up: THE REAL DIRT ON FARMER JOHN: (English) Real life is almost always more interesting than stuff that’s made up.  John Peterson, farmer, American character, hippie, hero.

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT OF THE YEAR
THE RULES OF THE GAME: (French) I looked forward to seeing this film since it’s so highly acclaimed by so many film critics.  I couldn’t get though the first 30 minutes.  There was no one in this movie interesting enough to hold my attention longer than that.

LEAST AWESIFIC MOVIE OF THE YEAR:
CEMETERY MAN: (Italian) You’ve probably never heard of this movie. That’s okay! I saw it and it looked like just the sort of dark comedy I was looking for. Instead, it was truly wretched - it was not in the least awesific.

Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments »

12 AND HOLDING

September 28th, 2008

This week’s movie:
12 AND HOLDING

I used to be smart once.

I have this theory that we are all born knowing everything. All the mysteries of the universe - the sum total of human knowledge PLUS everything humans have yet to discover - is all there right in our heads from birth. But because the human brain has a limited volume, any acquired experience must ultimately push something else out. The upshot of this is that the older we get, the more we experience, the stupider we become. Ironically, babies are just not physically equipped to deal with omniscience. They might, for example, understand that quarks spontaneously decay in a degenerate spin field, but believe that this just a trivial matter that must be obvious to everybody - and instead, content themselves to totally dominating every other human surrounding them.

Humans tend to peak around 12 or 13 years old - that is, until puberty hits and our bodies betray us - when the sudden influx of new information and priorities herald the exodus of every single other bit of useful data - leaving one in hormonal dufusity, instead of philosophical brilliance. Adults don’t understand children. We adults think that we are mentally superior - but the truth is that we just can’t comprehend the utter vastness of a child’s mind that is totally unencumbered by the details of the adult world. The adult world is is designed , from very first principles, to fill the mind with insignificant trivia in an effort to keep us from figuring out too much of the world because, after all, we’re at the age where if we knew too much, we would surely hurt ourselves.

Kids know better than to try to explain themselves to us. I can remember a time, I think I was maybe 10 or 11 years old, when I told my mother I didn’t want to go to school that day. She asked, “What’s the matter? Do you feel sick?” I thought about it for a second and replied, “Yes. Yes, I do.” I just somehow knew that she wouldn’t have understood if I told her that I had this idea for time travel and I needed a little uninterrupted time to work out the details. …..and I did it too! …..I just wish I could remember how it worked……

Children instinctively know what they need to do and do it. It often doesn’t make sense to adults but then, we are not as well-informed. For instance, I have a friend whose (then) 8-year-old son, Jeffery, had cut off all his hair with the kitchen shears. He then taped it all to the living room wall. When they asked him why he had done it, he just shrugged his head and mumbled, “I don’t know.” They thought he was brain damaged, but he’s not. Children just don’t bother to explain themselves to us - we just wouldn’t understand. Maybe the slight weight of his hair was applying just enough pressure on his brain to interfere with with his meditations and needed to rid himself of it to complete his journey of enlightenment …………..or maybe he was just brain damaged.

The 12-year-olds in this week’s (month’s) movie find themselves faced with a tragedy and have to find some way of dealing with it. They each do it in their own particular way, and although the adults don’t seem to understand any of it, the kids know what they need to do. And though each is different, they all have the same sort of logic, proven by the fact that they all see a resolution of one form or another.

It’s refreshing to see a film that portrays pre-adolescent characters in a realistic way, without reverting to Nancy Drew/Hardy Boys cleverness, or Disney-style cuteness. These children are not Hollywood stereotypes, they are not precocious, they’re not super-heroes, they’re not geniuses (except as mentioned above), they are undergoing changes that they themselves don’t understand.

In a Hollywood film, these kids would have to negotiate all the normal hazards normally facing your typical movie pre-teen. For example, they would have to put up with humiliating put-downs by the “cool” popular clique at school, tyrannical school principal, clueless parents, bullies in the neighborhood, and probably a pair of inept crooks. They would end up solving their problems by: making the cool clique a little less cool; detective work to expose the principal’s plan to skim school funds; make the cheerleading team by beating the team captain in the big competition; put on a musical; get the girl; stand down the bully by not backing down; set up booby traps that torment the crooks until they turn themselves in to the police; or maybe - all of the above. This stuff doesn’t happen in this film. Instead, they ………………well, I let you find out for yourselves.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my friend’s son Jeffrey, who cut off all his hair. I feel that if I can understand this behavior, I can maybe reawaken the lost memories of my own youth - or maybe of yesterday at least. So here are some possible …………

…….REASONS WHY JEFFEREY CUT OFF ALL HIS HAIR

  1. Needed to lose half an ounce of weight - the quick way.
  2. Watched a late-night showing of the film Westworld, with Yul Brenner, on cable.
  3. Wanted to convince himself that he, contrary to his parents’ accusations, was NOT the Antichrist, by checking his scalp for the tell-tale “666″. Fortunately, he found only a harmless “999″.
  4. Watched a late-night showing of the film The Magnificent Seven, with Yul Brenner, on cable.
  5. In order to save for a 10MeV magnetron, for his “Space Drive” experiments, he decided to cut down on extravagances, like shampoo.
  6. In an effort to stave off ecological disaster by global warming, cut off his hair and polished his scalp in order to increase the albedo of the Earth and reflect more light back into space. …..and it would have worked too if not for you meddling adults!
  7. Watched a late-night showing of The King and I, with Yul Brenner, on cable.
  8. Employed the following train of logic: Everything costs money; money is made of paper; paper is made from trees; trees grow in the forest; forests convert carbon dioxide in the atmosphere to oxygen; there are rain forests in South America; The Conquistadors explored South America looking for gold; there is money to be made in gold; everything costs money; wouldn’t it be a good idea to cut off all your hair and tape it to the wall?
  9. Watched a late-night showing of The Ten Commandments, with Yul Brenner, on cable.
  10. Step 1 in his “fuzzy wall” project.

Parent advisory: This film is rated R by the MPAA, which means that the young 12 year old stars cant legally go to see their own movie. The film portrays young children dealing with tragedy and changes within themselves in a very realistic and no-nonsense way. This often frightens off many adults who feel that children shouldn’t see such things - that is, until they have to go through it themselves. I, personally, didn’t find anything very disturbing about it, but if you have young children, you may want to preview the movie first and then decide if you want to watch it again with them.

Cut off all your hair and watch 12 AND HOLDING

enjoy.

watch the trailer

Posted in drama, independent | 5 Comments »

WALK HARD: THE DEWEY COX STORY

July 20th, 2008

This week’s movie:

WALK HARD: THE DEWEY COX STORY

No one eats poop in this movie!

I find that a good indicator of the quality of a comedy is whether or not anyone ends up eating poop. In a lesser comedy, one that’s not intrinsically very funny, the film-maker will try everything in the Porky’s / American Pie / National Lampoon bag-o-tricks - even if it doesn’t fit - to try to get you to laugh. It often works because they know it will stimulate a little dangley bit on the underside of the brain that causes you to find amusement in the stupidest things - it’s a cheap shot - they don’t even have to work for it. You’ll probably laugh because you can’t help it, but you’ll immediately regret having done so - it’s not really funny when you think about it, and it gets old very fast. It’s an old trick. The old vaudevillians were always trained that when the audience wasn’t responding - do a pratfall - they have to laugh, they can’t help it. What can I say, humans laugh at stupid stuff. Why else would people tune in to television every week to watch home movies of people falling down, or getting hit in the nads with a soccer ball, or getting a pie in the face? This week’s movie, WALK HARD: THE DEWEY COX STORY, is funny from the opening scene to the very last fade-to-black. You’ll laugh, guaranteed, but those laughs will have been earned the hard way - with clever dialog and sincere adherence to the story’s premise and material.

The film is a parody of music biopics like the Johnny Cash bio, Walk the Line, and the Ray Charles bio, Ray. These films are the obvious target material for parody, but it also includes references to Jim Morrison, Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys, Bob Dylan, and the Beatles. I’m sure you may recognize others. But this isn’t like the Wayan’s Brothers Scary Movie kind of parody or even like the Abrahams and Zucker Airplane or Naked Gun parodies. It doesn’t use topical references and slapstick to solicit laughs. It doesn’t have to. It is true to it’s source material in that it works entirely within the context of the story, in the correct time-line. For example, it doesn’t make references to Brittany Spears or Paris Hilton during the part of the story that takes place in the 60’s. They could have - and they could have gotten big laughs by doing that. The problem with that is that ten years from now, nobody will remember Brittany Spears or Paris Hilton and so the humor will have been lost. I suppose that you could also argue that in ten years, nobody will remember ‘Walk the Line’ or the other films that are being parodied here - but that’s okay, the movie works just as well on it’s own.

Judd Apatow and Co. have been very prolific lately with hits like The 40 Year Old Virgin, Superbad, Knocked Up, and Forgetting Sarah Marshall. WALK HARD is as funny as these others, but it’s a different kind of comedy. For one thing, it’s not as crude as those (this is a lie) and there’s also not much profanity (another lie), and it doesn’t have as many “adult” situations (big lie), it also doesn’t depict excessive drug use (big lie), and never once strays into the realm of bad taste (a whopper!). Okay, it’s lewd and raunchy and politically incorrect - but so what! this is an adult comedy, not intended for children. Adult comedy should not be dumbed down to please the censors or conservative “family values” groups. There are no family values in this movie - just funny bits. You can’t be afraid to laugh here - just go for it. You’ll still respect yourself in the morning.

DEWEY COX (lot’s of obvious fun made with the name) is a fictional character, but he might as well be real. He’s familiar enough to be Johnny Cash or Ray Charles (I know Ray is black - work with me here) or Bob Dylan or any other veteran of a VH1 “Behind the Music” special. It’s funny, not so much because of the jokes, but because of the familiarity. We recognize all of the traits because we’ve seen then before - we’ve grown up with them. They may be exaggerated in this film, but that just serves to underscore them more effectively. As a plus, all new songs were written for the film and are performed by the actors themselves, and you know what? They ain’t bad.

I keep saying that this movie is funny - but just how funny is it? Let me see if I can come up with some analogous levels of funny.

  1. This may seem a bit cliche, but if I said it was more fun than a barrel of monkeys, that’s saying a lot. I mean - think about it. Imagine a real barrel full of actual monkeys - how funny would that be! Let’s just downplay, for the moment, the fact that chimps eat their young. They could marmosets or macaques or how about howler monkeys - yes, a barrel of howler monkeys! Now, that’s what I call ‘funny’.
  2. I’m reminded of rotifers. Rotifers are a class of microscopic aquatic invertebrates. Despite their small size, they are the undisputed comedians of the undersea world. There’s an old rotifer joke that goes, “There are three rotifers in a row on the edge of a barnacle. The rotifer on the left spins its tentacles clockwise, drawing passing food into itself. The rotifer on the right spins its tentacles counter-clockwise. The rotifer in the middle can’t spin its tentacle either clockwise or counter-clockwise without entangling them with one of its neighbors. Instead, it repositions itself upside down and eats the barnacle. The left and right rotifers stare at their now bloated comrade and one comments - That’s what happens when you don’t exercise.” …………………………………………………………….Trust me. If you were a rotifer, you’d be rolling on the floor laughing right about now.
  3. Let’s consider a funny scenario. You are carrying a large pane of glass when you slip on a banana peel. Just at that moment, the participants of a high speed car chase intersect with you. You hit the ground and throw out your back. The cars shatter the glass showering you with pointy shards. The tires of the car grind them into your flesh. A bystander screams and accidentally overturns a produce cart, causing the fresh-cut lemons to roll in your direction, squirting fresh lemon juice into your wounds. Finally, a policeman comes up to you and hands you a citation with a heavy fine for 1) littering (broken glass), and 2) loitering. ………………………………………..okay - so maybe it wouldn’t seem that funny to you…………..
  4. If funny was a candy bar, The Jerk would be a Hershey bar with almonds. National Lampoon’s Animal House would be a Kit Kat bar. Clerks would be a Cadbury Egg (obscenely sweet). The dark comedy, American Psycho, is a Dove Extra Dark Chocolate bar. Stanley Kubrick’s, Dr. Strangelove, would be an exquisite Godiva Assortment. Any movie with Larry, the Cable Guy (I think he eats poop in most of his movies) would be practical joke chocolate - you know, the kind that looks like chocolate but is really a powerful laxative. In this context, this week’s film, WALK HARD: THE DEWEY COX STORY, is a Jaguar. I know it’s a car, but as much as I like chocolate, a Jaguar is still better than any candy bar.
  5. What is the funniest animal? Some say kittens or puppies because they make you laugh but that’s incorrect. The subtle difference is that kittens and puppies are cute, not funny. Another misconception is the Hyena, because “they’re so funny that they make themselves laugh”. The truth is, it’s not so much a laugh as a sneer. They think so highly of themselves that they constantly laughing smugly at the inferiority of others. They’re not at all funny and you just want to slap that stupid grin off their face. Dogs - you ask? No! Dogs eat poop, which means they’re trying way too hard and can’t think of anything funnier. Is it monkeys - no! Monkeys are only funny in a large group, as in “a barrel of howler monkeys”. A solitary monkey is rather sad and just a tad creepy. No, the funniest animals are the lemurs - heh heh, those guys……….
  6. What is the funniest country? Of course, one’s first impulse is to say “Turkey”, an unfortunate name. I mean, how can you take a country with a name like Turkey seriously? Or what about Greece (another unfortunate name)? ……and the really odd coincidence is that they’re right next to one another on the map. You would think that that would be a pretty funny part of the world, but no! Funny names do not funny countries, make. The funniest country is Madagascar. Why? Lemurs - heh heh, those guys…………………
  7. Oh, and by the way, when did clowns transition from funny into disturbing? When I was a kid, clowns were funny, period! Then slowly, over the years, they seem to be regarded more as creepy evil killers of children than the clowns I remember. I’m guilty of it too - but I don’t remember how it happened. Was it the film, Killer Klowns from Outer Space?, or was it Ronald McDonald, lackey of the evil corporate multinational mega-company, who alway struck me as someone who would eat small children if he had his way?
  8. What’s the funniest movies ever made? I suppose that’s an unfair question since everybody has a different sense of humor. But let’s suppose you think of your vote for the five funniest movies of all time. Leave a comment below and tell me what they are. Here are mine, today - if you ask me tomorrow, this list may be slightly different. In no particular order: Monty Python and the Holy Grail; Airplane; Clerks; This is Spinal Tap; Young Frankenstein; and South Park - Bigger, Longer & Uncut. Yes! Yes! I know that’s six! So sue me! SO what’s your five (or six)?
  9. SO, I almost forgot the point of #8. WALK HARD: THE DEWEY COX STORY is not on that list. It’s not one of the five (or six) funniest movies of all time - but it is the funniest movies I’ve seen so far this year - and I’ve seen quite a few.
  10. Finally, what’s the funniest category from above? Is it candy bars, or countries or animals or movies - or is it something else? Who cares? Funny is funny. Although it’s in short supply in a lot of the world, humans need comedy, we need to laugh. If we didn’t occasionally laugh ourselves silly or piss our pants and fall on the floor (heavy drinking produces the same result but is not a viable substitute), we would be sad and angry all the time until our innate urge to kill someone overcame our innate urge to just say f*** it.

WALK HARD: THE DEWEY COX STORY. Don’t pass up this really funny film - it may save someone’s life.

Enjoy

watch the trailer

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Posted in Musical, comedy, satire | 2 Comments »

CALLING FOR WORDS

June 29th, 2008

I’ve realized that the reason I can’t think of anything to write anymore is that I’ve run out of words. Or worse yet, I’ve overused the ones I had - There’s only so many times you can call a movie “quirky and funny” or say that the film maker “got it right” or that this is “the best movie of the year” - and get away with it. So, I’m in search for new words, but since the internet is one big world community, I’m asking you, the readers, to send me some new and interesting and “quirky” words that I can use in my next video recommendation. Simply click on the “Comments” link, at the bottom of this post, to leave your suggestions.

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“….my computer has run out of t’s”

June 22nd, 2008

I suppose this happens to everybody at one time or another.

For reasons which i can’t explain, I seem to be in some kind of writing funk.  I can’t seem to come up with a single word to write ………….well - except these.  I think if I can get through this next article (coming soon), I’ll be OK.  So, be patient and I’ll get back into the swing of it in another week or so.  In the meantime, feel free to browse through the FranksFilms archive at past recommendations - good movies all around.

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments »

WRISTCUTTERS: A LOVE STORY

May 17th, 2008

This week’s movie:

WRISTCUTTERS: A LOVE STORY

I cried at the end of Old Yeller.

Of course I was only six, but still …… so what? I also teared up a bit for Grave of the Fireflies, and Love Story, and Ghost, and My Girl, and Bambi, and Pandora’s Box, and The Bridge to Terabithia, and The Diving Bell and the Butterfly. You know …….the usual tear-jerkers. The point is, I consider myself relatively normal. My black sense of humor non-withstanding, I usually react to films the same way that most people do. So - when I say that I found this week’s movie, about an afterlife populated by people who have committed suicide, rather sweet and endearing, it’s not because I have a warped sensibility (I do, but that’s not why), it’s because the movie really is sweet and endearing.

Now, before you say, “Oh God! Not another one of these oddball freaky FranksFilms-esque movies! Why can’t you review ‘normal’ films like Made of Honor or What Happens in Vegas?” The truth is, I see a lot of movies like those and some of them are pretty good - but there’s nothing new or different or unusual about them. I know exactly what to expect, and I get it - they’re predictable, they’re pure entertainment, audience satisfying, seat filling ticket selling commodities but they won’t raise any new issues or make you think uncomfortable thoughts or make you look at the usual in an unusual way. Whereas, the films that I feature here typically have an unusual hook or do something exceptionally difficult or take chances that have a great payoff. WRISTCUTTERS: A LOVE STORY does all these things.

A young man, Zia, commits suicide (guess how) when he becomes disconsolate after his girlfriend dumps him. Now you might think, there’s no excuse for that, suicide solves nothing, nobody is worth killing yourself over …..to which i say, you haven’t seen his girlfriend - she pretty hot. The irony is, his is relegated to an afterlife two or three notches more depressing than the one he left behind. He is assigned a depressing job, lives in a depressing apartment with a roommate he hates. He considers committing suicide again but, who knows, he might end up in a worse place - I mean, where do you go if you’ve committed suicide from the suicide afterlife? I mean really, it boggles the mind.

Zia does make friends. Eugene, a failed Russian rocker, killed himself on stage during a show. They pick up girls together and compare suicide stories. Eugene lives with his family. Yes, his entire family committed suicide - not all at once. They are happy (somewhat) but it’s not easy to be happy here. You can’t smile, there are no stars in the sky, the landscape is bleak, nothing works right, there are no good jobs and no good apartments - what do you want? You’re dead - make the best of it.

All this so far is just a set up for the story. From a chance meeting, Zia is given a piece of information that sets him off on a journey - a quest of sorts - almost impossible, given the circumstances - but as he tells Eugene, “Do you have anything better to do?” He needs Eugene. Eugene has a car - a depressing one - the kind each of us has had at one time or another. Along the way, they pick up a hitchhiker, Mikal, who is on a quest of her own. She is looking for the PIC (People In Charge) because, she claims, she is there by mistake and would they please send her someplace nicer. They meet up with, and stay for a while at a small commune led by Tom Waits, and find a camp belonging to a suicide cult who, it seems, have been transported there en masse. They’re still up to their old tricks, so maybe we will find out what happens if you kill yourself in the suicide afterlife after all.

We never really find out why all the suicides end up here. Perhaps they’re given this opportunity to work things out in a way they weren’t able to in life. Maybe they’re forced to find happiness in a placed devoid of it. Maybe, if they find it, it’ll no longer be so damn depressing. Funny things is, although the landscape is stark and the circumstances are depressing - the movie isn’t. The movie is funny, and sweet, and happy and whimsical. In a bleak existence, miracles can (and must) still happen. Performing one seems to be a rite of passage - and one can still find friendship and purpose and even love.

The clever story and dialog contain lots of satire and social commentary. In the novel, “Good Omens” by Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, One of the characters (a demon from hell) drives an antique car and points out a fundamental, if unwritten, law of nature that - “…any cassette left in a car for more than a fortnight turns into ‘Best of Queen’” In WRISTCUTTERS: ….., Eugene’s car points out another well know rule - any object that falls under the front seat, disappears from the known universe and is never seen again.

And finally, as the title implies, this is a love story - simple true and unpretentious, without gimmick (well …….except that it takes place in the suicide afterlife) - characters find love the way real people do (well …….that is, except that it takes place in the suicide afterlife). It is a universal story (except ……well, you know…..).

I know that suicide is a serious subject and that we shouldn’t make light of it - but the film never makes light of the suicides. It just proposes the concept that your life is unfinished and maybe there are still things you need to do. Besides, war is a serious subject and we still have films like Mash and Catch-22. Also, killing is very very serious, and yet Live Free or Die Hard is still a fun time at the movies, as is The Matrix and the Indiana Jones films and the James Bond films. So I don’t want to hear another word about it.

In the film What Dreams May Come, Robin Williams kids are killed in a car accident. He and his wife are beyond grief, but at least they have each other. A short time later, he is also killed in a car accident and goes to heaven (the real heaven). The mother, on the other hand can no longer cope with the grief and being alone and so - kills herself. She doesn’t go to heaven - not even a suicide’s version of it. Instead, she is sent to hell (yes! hell). It hardly seems fair. WRISTCUTTERS: A LOVE STORY, although it has a lot of suicides, is far less depressing - it’s much fair-er.

“Oh, Frank - I don’t know. This sounds really strange and bizarre. I don’t know if I would like this.” Yes - that’s the point. Films that are different are also original - and you might like a type of movie you haven’t seen before. But you won’t know until you try it. Of course, if you don’t like to try anything new, you could watch Sleepless in Seattle over and over and over and over …..

Over the years and thousands of movies, I’ve made some observations about romantic comedies. For instance: The plot to 80% of all romantic comedies: Boy and girl meet, they like one another, they fall in love, things are going great but one of them has a dark secret that the other can never find out, the other finds out, they break up, the one with the secret tries and tries to get the other one back, they get the other one back in the end, love conquers all. The plot to nearly all of the other 20% of romantic comedies. Boy and girl meet, they hate one another, they constantly fight and argue, during one particularly harsh shouting match - one reaches out and kisses the other, they realize that they actually love each other, love conquers all. I think that this genre needs new material to revive it - so I’m proposing 10 different and unique romantic plot lines for possible future films. I’m throwing them out there - feel free to use them as you wish.

  1. A single woman lives on a houseboat on Puget sound. Every time she falls asleep, she dreams of a romance with a single man from the East Coast, who dreams of her when he’s asleep. Time zones notwithstanding, they carry on a hot and heavy courtship every night. It’s called “Sleeping in Seattle”.
  2. A man with multiple personalities discovers that two of his selves have fallen in love and plan to get married - but a forth personality wants to put an end to this by stealing himself away from himself.
  3. A man with ten wives has an affair with a woman with ten husbands. Much of the movie involves trying to figure out exactly how many adulteries were committed.
  4. Everybody loves robots, but the truth is that most robots don’t get along with other robots. Two robots buck tradition by moving in together into a small 1 bedroom above a flower shop. The flower shop lady can’t understand why suddenly she always hears clanging metal. Perhaps she needs to get those pipes fixed - yeah, the pipes, that’s it.
  5. Two comatose patients suddenly become aware of each other when their telemetry monitor wires accidentally get crossed. He admires the occasional dips in her EEG’s alpha waves. She is turned on by the cute way his EKG spikes between the Q’s and the R’s every time he “sees’ her. The hospital staff get confused when her EKG suddenly develops a second fainter faster heartbeat.
  6. Co-joined male Siamese twins fall helplessly in love with co-joined female Siamese twins. The courtship runs into a roadblock because they can’t seem to get any ‘alone time’. After coming up with what they consider to be the ideal solution, an 18 hour operation by a team of surgeons separates the two sets of twins - then they reattached the male/female couples together. In a surprise twist, the couples, upon waking, are aghast when they find that they have been mistakingly attached to the wrong mate.
  7. A beer-guzzling hockey-loving man and an opera-going martini woman truly despise one another. Unfortunately, because they have spent most of their lives watching romantic comedies, they realized that they must eventually fall in love. In a bold move, they decide to get married to bypass the whole ‘falling in love’ progression and move straight to boredom.
  8. The His and Hers towels have been getting rather ‘cozy’ lately. Hers likes His casual, somewhat disheveled unfolded look, and His likes the feel of the fabric softener Hers has been washed in. It’s hard to ignore the other since they’re always hung side by side. One day, Hers leaves for a few minutes and comes back totally drenched. His is consumed with jealousy, and would like to storm off, but is fated to always hang next to Hers. The outcome is a bit predictable, I’ll admit, but with such likable attractive characters, this is one hell of a thrill ride.
  9. An anthropomorphic animated tale, the kind that Disney is so good at. Mandy’s biological clock is ticking. She’s a praying mantis who is down on love, but throughout the story, her heart softens a bit by the advances of Jerry, a charismatic wise-cracking male mantis. Finally, she can resist no longer and allows herself to fall madly in love with him. In the climatic ending, Mandy and Jerry share one long intense passionate kiss ……,before she bites Jerry’s head off. Love conquers all.
  10. Bill declares to the world, “I love chocolate cake!” His friends tease him, “Well, if you love it so much, why don’t you marry it!” - And so he does. On their 50th anniversary, he tells her, “You’re as fresh as the day you were baked.” It’s all the sugar, she tells him.

WRISTCUTTERS: A LOVE STORY - you’ll love this story.
Enjoy.

official wristcutter’s site

watch the trailer

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Posted in comedy, dramady, independent, romance | 8 Comments »

LARS AND THE REAL GIRL

April 29th, 2008

This week’s movie:

LARS AND THE REAL GIRL

When I think about it, I realize that it could have all gone terribly wrong!

I never doubt the power of a film to reestablish faith in my fellow human beings ……especially those human beings in the film. Film people are so fascinating. When they’re well written, they lead fascinating lives, they experience perfect fascinating romances, they have exciting and fascinating adventures, and - and this is very important - always say just the right things - fascinating. They have problems - they resolve problems. They have conflicts - they resolve conflicts. They sometimes die, but you can always restart the DVD …….and there they are again! The Kinks’ song says, “I wish my life was a non-stop Hollywood movie show.” Maybe they were onto something.

BUT ………when a film is NOT well written or directed or produced, it could easily all go terribly wrong.

I live in small town USA. It’s not really that small. It’s not small enough for everybody to know everybody else - but it IS small enough for a lot of people to know a lot of other people, plus there are little sub-communities of families and neighbors who are very close-knit. But I can only imagine an entire town, even a small one, pulling together the way people do in this week’s film, LARS AND THE REAL GIRL.

Now here’s where this review can all go terribly wrong. If I tell you the premise of this movie, and I don’t do it carefully, you will never ever want to see this film - or worse, you can’t wait to see it, having a certain expectation of it, and be totally disappointed. I’ll probably get this wrong, and I may have to do this more than once, but here goes. Lars, an emotionally disturbed introvert, buys a life-like sex doll so he won’t be so alone …….and his family and small town friends are shocked …………and ……….dang! This is all going terribly wrong. Let me try this again.

Lars …….(so far, so good) ….has issues. He doesn’t say much, he doesn’t go out, and he doesn’t like to be touched. He has many many emotional issues. He now lives in the garage behind the house where his brother and his brother’s wife live. He is incapable of having a normal relation with anybody, even though the young woman at work is clearly interested in him. One day, a co-worker shows him a site for realistic love dolls - and so, he orders one - Bianca. He invents a back-story for her (I don’t know, maybe they each come with one). Since he can’t connect with real people, he decides to get himself a fake one.

When he shows up at his brothers for dinner and introduces Bianca, he insists that she be treated like a real girl, and so she gets her own place setting. He speaks to her and speaks for her. She’s been in an accident and is confined to a wheelchair. Also, she’s very religious and it wouldn’t be right for her to sleep under the same roof as him, and would it be OK for her to room in the big house with his brother’s family? Concerned for his mental well-being, they take him to see a psychologist who tells them that Lars is just working through some issues, and maybe the best thing would be if everyone just accommodate Lars and go along with it. Reluctantly, they agree and soon the whole town is going along with it.

Now, here’s where the film could have all gone terribly wrong.

In a lesser movie, lewd raunchy sexual jokes would have been made about the various purposes to which ‘real dolls’ are traditionally used. The brother would have stopped in at Bianca’s room for a nightly quickie because he, in flash of self-awareness, discovers that he is doll-curious. There would have been a scene where Lars is lifting Bianca from the wheelchair and is caught off-balanced. He fumbles and somehow she ends upside down with her legs in the air and her dress falls down, leaving Lars with a face full of anatomical correctness - just as a pair of old ladies happen to walk by to be conveniently shocked. Or worse, they would animate Bianca whenever Lars was alone with her so that she could give him advice ……and only by making love to her can he truly be cured (I’ve actually seen this movie). Or worse than that - she’s magic, or possessed and causes evil things to happen in town and actually kills to satisfy her doll blood lust. As the death toll mounts, Lars must find a way to save the day - and himself ……and cure himself in the process (come to think of it, I’ve seen this movie too). And, if that isn’t enough to get a laugh, someone, somewhere in the movie, somehow would manage to end up eating poop (sadly …….I’ve seen this one too).

But none of these things actually happen in this film.

Let me make this perfectly clear - nobody in this film ever has sex with the doll. If you were hoping for that, then this movie is not for you. Moreover, you’ll never see it naked. The movie isn’t about that. This movie IS about two things. The first is how everybody in town quickly adapts to the situation and accepts Lars’ new girlfriend into their community. I suppose they think it’s interesting or fun (it’s fun to play with dolls), or maybe they just get into the spirit of the thing. Soon, Bianca is the most popular girl in town. The girls take her for ladies’ night out, they do each others hair, girl talk - that sort of thing. Soon, she’s everywhere - working here - volunteering there - going to parties - sometimes she brings Lars.

The other arc of the story has to do with Lars. With Bianca, Lars suddenly begins to interact with other people. He gets invited out, sometimes to parties, sometimes just out - and he goes! He also starts working out his issues, with the help of his sessions with Dagmar, his doctor (psychologist), and with Bianca. During their many walks out in the woods, he starts to open up. In many ways, this entire film is about Lars’ journey of self-recovery.

Lars is not an easy character to get right. The entire success or failure of this film hinges on being able to portray his character without overacting or appearing ignorant or pathetic. Lars is none of these things. He’s smart - smart enough to know he has problems and needs help. He smart enough to know that people realize that Bianca is not real but in his way, asks them to go along for his sake, and he’s smart enough to know when he doesn’t need Bianca any more. The film has a great cast - everybody is perfect for their roles (Patricia Clarkson, who plays the doctor, is one of my favorite actresses, and she doesn’t disappoint here), but it would have all fallen flat if it wasn’t for Ryan Gosling who plays Lars. I haven’t seen every one of his movies, but I’ve seen some, and he’s been outstanding in every one. In particular, his virtuoso performance in Half Nelson earned him a well deserved Oscar nomination.

In other words, it doesn’t all go terribly wrong. Not like some other movies I could mention. Like……

  1. Star Wars I: The Phantom Menace. How it all went terribly wrong. The original Star Wars invented a new formula and was fresh and different and exciting. The newer series tried to use the same formula, and so now it just seams old and stale and boring. How to fix it. New formula - plus lose Jar Jar.
  2. City of Angels. How it all went terribly wrong. This was supposed to be an English language remake of the very excellent Wings of Desire (one of my favorites) but they either didn’t watch the original movie, or didn’t understand the original movie, or didn’t even know there was an original movie, or ….they just purposely wanted to make an awful movie. How to fix it. Watch the original movie, dammit! Call director Wim Wenders on the phone and have him explain it to you.
  3. The Number 23. How it all went terribly wrong. This is supposed to be a thriller - it would help if it was thrilling. How to fix it. Add some scary bits, suspense, action, intrigue. When all else fails, get someone to eat poop.
  4. Snakes on a Plane. How it all went terribly wrong. Catchy title, but premise is just too outlandish. Even Samuel L Jackson’s ‘m…..f…… snakes’ line cannot redeem it. How to fix it. Go the other way. Make it more outlandish. Make it bizarre! No - make it freakishly bizarre! Have the snakes hijack the plane and fly it off to Snake Island where they prepare to sacrifice the humans to the great snake god, King Snong, a 100 ft. tall anaconda that develops a liking to the young girl, and ………well, you know the rest.
  5. Lady in the Water. How it all went terribly wrong. M. Night Shyamalan’s last film could have - should have been great. Instead, it was just OK. The plot was too complicated for this kind of film, it doesn’t have a pervading motif, it tries to be more than one kind of movie. How to fix it. Rewrite rewrite rewrite!
  6. The Hulk. How it all went terribly wrong. Ang Lee’s Hulk - not the excellent TV show Hulk. The best thing about the Hulk in the TV show (and in the comics) is not the Hulk part - It’s the Bruce Banner human part, and how he deals with the fact that he’s the Hulk and doesn’t want to be. The Hulk is not all that interesting. He smashes things, and says “Hulk smash!” and then smashes the crap out of lots of other things, then lumbers or jumps off. There’s only so much smashing you can take before you want to smash something yourself. How to fix it. Make Hulk smart! Then - he could muse about things, for example - he could ponder the significance of the army tank, comment on its phallic representation, espouse on man’s technological superiority in the creation of such a construct while, at the same time, regretting the use to which it is put - a seemingly paradoxical superposition of constructive and destructive influences - oh, the folly of humanity ………..all this just before he smashes it to tiny bits.
  7. In the Cut. The Meg Ryan sex movie. How it all went terribly wrong. This is not how you want to see Meg Ryan. Meg is sweet and funny. You want to see her in a romantic comedy with Tom Hanks, all cute and smiley. You don’t want to see her nude on a bed with her hands busy between her legs. It’s too shocking. It’s like seeing your own grandmother naked. It’s like seeing Minnie Mouse naked. How to fix it. Replace Meg Ryan with someone you’re comfortable seeing naked, someone you would expect to see naked. Maybe Jenna Jameson or Paris Hilton - you may not want to see that either, but you wouldn’t be surprised to.
  8. Battlefield Earth. How it all went terribly wrong. An unlikely series of events occurred that led to the realization of this picture. First of all, somebody put film in the camera. Then the scripts were delivered on time. Then the actors showed up. They were able to reserve a studio. Yes, a whole series of events occurred in just the right sequence to allow this movie to be made. How to fix it. Go back to step one and prevent the film from entering the camera, thus breaking this ill-fated sequence.
  9. P.S. I Love You. How it all went terribly wrong. This film was miserably miscast. Some people should not should not should not play romantic comedies. How to fix it. Modern romantic comedies have upped the ante a bit. Perhaps a realistic, anatomically correct sex doll would help.
  10. Mr. Woodcock. How it all went terribly wrong. In a comedy, it’s essential that you have at least one likable character in the cast instead of monochrome, one-dimensional archetypes (I have never used the word ‘archetypes’ ever in my entire life). The amazing thing is that the film-makers watch the dailies and say, “Yes!! That’s a keeper!” …..and meant it! How to fix it. This would work better as a drama or as a very dark comedy - plus, somebody has to die!!!!!! ….maybe everybody - yes, everybody!!!! MWAAH HA HA HA HA HA HA.

If you think I’m getting a bit carried away by a movie whose story is based on a life-like sex doll, then I’m not the only one. FIlm critic, Roger Ebert writes,

Only after the movie is over do you realize what a balancing act it was, what risks it took, what rewards it contains.

You can read his entire review here. Joe Morganstern of the Wall Street Joural writes,

It’s nothing less than a miracle that the director, Craig Gillespie, and the writer, Nancy Oliver, have been able to make such an endearing, intelligent and tender comedy from a premise that, in other hands, might sustain a five-minute sketch on TV.

And Frederic and Mary Ann Brussat of ‘Spirituality and Practice’ write

One of the best films of the year about the love, kindness, and hospitality of a Christian community for a lost and lonely soul.

On the tomatometer, it’s praised by 81% of the critics, but by 91% of regular viewers (like you and me). Common Sense Media rates LARS a PAUSE:15+, meaning that it’s age appropriate, on average, for age 15 and above, but know your kid - if your kid is highly sensitive, then maybe that age should be pushed higher, if your kid is pretty savvy, then maybe that age could be pushed much lower.

LARS AND THE REAL GIRL
It could have all gone terribly wrong - but it didn’t.

Enjoy

watch the trailer

Posted in dramady, romance, spy | 3 Comments »

BLACK BOOK

April 18th, 2008

This week’s movie:

BLACK BOOK

World War Two was not my fault! Honest!

They tell me my ancestors came from Germany - maybe three generations before me. That’s way before WW2, isn’t it? That’s even before WW1 (which, by the way, was also not my fault). But I still have the German name and when I give it, in certain circles, some people still say, “That’s German, isn’t it? The Nazis started WW2 you know.” To which I have to remind them - my name may be German but I am not. Besides, I wasn’t in Germany during the war, and I was pretty young - too young to fight. To which they’d ask, “Really? How old were you?”, and I’d say, “Approximately ……….oh - about minus ten.”

The Holocaust notwithstanding, Germans sometimes get a bad rap for the war. I know plenty of Germans and some of them - a few of them - one or two ……..er, three …….. half a dozen at least - are pretty decent people. Now, I’ll admit that these are not war-era Germans - these are ‘far removed from the war’-era Germans. Still …….. I imagine that, even during WW2, there were good Nazis as well as bad, evil Nazis. I know people who will hate me for saying this stuff, but it’s true. In fact, it’s true for virtually every ethnic group you can imagine.

Having said all that, it’s still pretty hard not to villainize Nazis in WW2 related movies. It’s pretty cut and dry in films like Raiders of the Lost Ark, Schindler’s List, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, The Blues Brothers, just to name a few. Now, movies where you don’t have a clear cut bad guy tend to make you think. Quite often this is good. But films where you do have a definite villain to oppose tend to be more pure entertainment - such as the movies mentioned above - and such as this week’s movie BLACK BOOK.

BLACK BOOK is not a great film, in the same sense that a Stephen King novel is not great literature. Oh course that doesn’t stop it from spending 5 months on the best-seller list and it doesn’t stop it from being one hell of a thrill ride.

The story is not very original. I’m sure everybody’s had this happen to them. Rachel is a young Dutch woman who has the misfortune of living in Nazi occupied Netherlands during WW2 and who also has the misfortune of living in Nazi occupied Netherlands while, at the same time, being a Jew. She and her family are sheltered by a non-Jewish couple (no, her name is NOT Anne Frank!). When an opportunity comes along to escape, they take it - transport is arranged by boat - but they are double-crossed (cue the strings - Da Da Daaaaaaaaah!) which, I’ll just say this, is also not my fault. Rachel joins up with the underground and goes undercover to find out who is responsible. By chance, she encounters a German commander and becomes his mistress (cue the strings again - Da Da Daaaaaaaaaah!). It is a position that allows her great freedom of movement and access to information - and who’s going to question her? It sounds straightforward but it’s not. There are countless twists and turns before the end. What’s really happening? Who was really behind the double-cross? Who will get out alive? Can love conquer all? Where’s Waldo?

Rachel is played by the incomparable Carice van Houten. You’ve probably never hear of her but I suspect that will change now. She has had a number of smaller roles up to now, but here she has a chance to show off all her talents. I say this in the ‘male’ sense. She is very very talented. Müntze, the German officer, is played by Sebastian Koch who was terrific in The Lives of Others, one of my favorite films from last year. Will Rachel find what she’s looking for? Will she take out her revenge on Müntze or will he turn out to be a rather decent egg?

This film has a wide appeal because it’s possible to enjoy it on more than one level. If you are a normal movie-watcher, you will enjoy the suspense and the drama and the political intrigue and the mystery. You will appreciate the quick witted dialog, and the cat and mouse word play.. You will also enjoy the sudden and unexpected plot twists (Uh-oh! What’s she going to do now?????). If you enjoy movies more on a simpler level, well there is shootin’ and a fightin’ and a lovin’ and the nakedness - yes, the nakedness. But, if instead, you have higher standards in films, and demand things like character development, subtlety, and realism - I guess BLACK BOOK will just have to become a guilty pleasure. If you don’t enjoy this film, that’s not my fault either - I just make recommendations.

I know it sounds like I’m being defensive, but I get blamed for a lot of things that I didn’t have anything to do with. So …..let me get this straight once and for all time. Here are the things that are not my fault,and to be fair, I will also list things that were my fault - just so that I’m not being too one-sided.

  1. Not my fault: The Great Flood. No, I really have no way of making it rain and flood the Earth, and I wouldn’t if I could, no matter what some people may think. My fault: Flooding in my basement. I should have gotten it fixed a long time ago, but didn’t.
  2. Not my fault: Extinction of the dinosaurs. As much as I would like to take credit for the event that paved the way for us mammals (at least those of us that are mammals), it had nothing at all to do with me. My fault: Extinction of ants and cutworms on my front lawn. That chemical stuff I put on my lawn kills everything. My apologies if you are an ant or cutworm aficionado.
  3. Not my fault: Destruction of the Great Library at Alexandria. I’ve never even been there. I’m betting it was someone who took out a book, and tried to read it and said, “It’s all Greek to me!” My fault: That funny smell in the refrigerator. I was supposed to toss that egg salad way in the back – but it was way in the back and I completely forgot about it.
  4. Not my fault: The presidency of George W Bush. I didn’t want to make a political statement or anything – but I often get blamed for this for some reason. But, get this, I didn’t even vote for him – so back off. My fault: Proliferation of dandelion weeds in my entire neighborhood. I’m the only one who doesn’t de-weed his lawn, and my weeds propagate all the way to the end of the street. The way I figure it, weeds are green – so little on my lawn is – and they’re hardy, and require no watering, or care. Sounds to me like Darwin’s choice.
  5. Not my fault: The Rise of the Machines. In the Terminator films (and the Matrix films for that matter), machines take over the world. Fans who are really into this are looking for a scapegoat. “Frank, don’t you make robots?” My fault: That thing that’s hanging from the ceiling in my upstairs hall. It was starting to come off so I thought if I pull it down, I could fix it and put it back up securely. But it would only come down halfway – I can’t pull it off nor can I get it back up. So now, it just sits there, half hanging down.
  6. Not my fault: Global Warming. This is a huge issue. It involves vast amounts of greenhouse gases, most industrialized nations, power plants, industrial smoke stacks, and two or three SUV’s. I don’t think I can take the rap for all that. My fault: Global Warming. I drive a car, I waste electricity, I consume more than I should, and I don’t make enough of a fuss to stop myself and everybody else from doing the same.
  7. Not my fault: The Titanic. When they interviewed the survivors afterwards, many of then claim that they saw me on board, drilling holes in the hull, and opening the floodgates (floodgates were later considered to be a bad idea for a ship). This is just preposterous! I mean, who brings a drill on an ocean cruise? My fault: I reproduced the movie still (above) without the expressed written permission of Sony Pictures Classics or their representatives.
  8. Not my fault: The Bomb. When I tell people I majored in Physics, they often respond, “You people invented the Bomb! We could all die at any time because you guys built the Bomb!” I usually just apologize but really, it wasn’t me. My fault: Da Bomb! Yo, yo, check it out, suckka! Like, this sh**’s da bomb!
  9. Not my fault: Those low-waist tight jeans that make your midriff bulge out and hang over the belt. Who the hell thought that would be a good look? My fault: My midriff that bulges out and hangs over my belt - even though I’m not wearing a pair of those jeans.
  10. Not my fault: AIDS. People think it was me, but I know for a fact, that a female Macaque monkey, named Clara, was behind it all. All scientists know this but, curiously, nobody’s talking. My fault: World hunger. Yep, that was me. Sorry – my bad.

In Dutch, English, German, and Hebrew with subtitles. Common Sense Media gives BLACK BOOK a PAUSE:17+ rating saying, “Intense mature WWII drama taps into base human instinct.”

So what’s the deal with the ‘black book’? Sorry, I’m giving nothing away. You’ll just have to tune in to find out. Take out BLACK BOOK from your local library or any other video or DVD source this week.

Enjoy.

watch the trailer

Posted in drama, foreign film, romance, spy, war | No Comments »

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